What is the extent of your wildness? When does desire to be outside yourself become danger?

I’ve danced the line for two years now - between active consciousness and the need to release. Drinks to take the edge off so I don’t have to care or think.

That desire has grown weaker in me since 2020, I see it for all its shortcomings now. It promises me the pleasure, but always falls short.

The urge to have a wild night used to be so strong, I couldn’t really fight it. And when I tried, it slithered in slowly anyway, unplanned and unannounced. With the kundalini awakening, I fast forward when the urge hits. I see the next day- the headaches, the damage to my health, the staying in the same pattern OVER and OVER again. It’s exhausting and honestly so boring.

I’d like to be done, I’d like to be free.