getting down

I'm getting used to it here. The bedroom skylight burning through morning skin. There is no better place for my lover and I, drenched in the summer sun. In the darkest point of night, and without you by my side, I am a victim of my own mind. 

But sometimes, a certain way of looking at the world doesn't work for us anymore. So we settle for happiness. As much as our old self wants to reject every positive vibration, we move forward because we know nothing else works. 

Looking at the world through a mental filter of fear only breeds more, so we choose to be an instrument of blessing. The mind is so powerful, it creates form on every level, and I see that now. Patti Smith said, "In time, we often become one with those we once failed to understand."  I hope this is true, because I was never really able to see you. 

I apologize for this, perhaps the place in which I dwelled before had not been filled with enough light. 

x x

"You are a miracle, capable of creating in the likeness of your creator. Everything else is your own nightmare, and does not exist. Only the creations of light are real." 

who tee by Junk Food Clothing

budwiser tee by Junk Food Clothing

rainbow set by Solstice intimates

photos by Adam Wamsley

lonely hunter

If you send for me, you know I'll come. I haven't seen you in a month, but I'm not focused on that. We were best friends, crazy and shameless in love. You can make paintings, I can make you playlists. It was your art that gave me the confidence to acknowledge serious feelings inside myself that I would of otherwise ignored. To know someone who spends their day doing exactly as they please. To be so ignorant of the odds, I'd like to think I'm a little like you. 

And now I'm surrounded by so many similar people, I don't know what I do to attract such magic. I don't like to be alone so much anymore. I have seen too much goodness in others, I have seen the allure that is the outside world. To know that the world can actually work for you, and then that becomes your life story. The course gently altering to align with your higher state, how do I grow more awake with each passing night. 

x x 

black robe by NLF

white lace robe by Naked Intersection

harness by Dolls Kill

photos by Brittanny Taylor

Patricia Field Art|Fashion X I Hate Blonde

"I like cheekbones," she said. "You know, a boy with a little Bowie going on." Lower East Side signs of life. They're not sure if you're a boy or a girl. Sipping iced coffees out on the fire escape, Roxy Music on repeat. She's spinning, writing quotes and lyrics in her notebook with pencil. He's play his guitar in the morning window light, unfinished songs about life in New York. 

The unexpected encounter that slowly altered the course of their lives, to meet another artist like yourself. To each create a world of your own inside the microcosm of Manhattan, and then merge the two. No one lives in New York the way we do. 

x x 

clothing by Patricia Field

make up by Michael Anthony Bucaram

styling Kyle Brincefield

photos Jen Senn

your heart feels

Your heart feels in between all the spaces that mine does not. Cause nobody does it like you. A lot of life below me, but I'm going to create my world up here. And I want to make my world with you, but I feel myself incapable of such bold implementations. 

"We are to listen to our brother first and foremost, if we are suppose to speak, he'll let us know." So I say nothing. I have no words for all the emotions in between the light spaces, I just hope to turn them into something worth having someday.

I am restless here now, forgot that it's important for man to move, and not just work his mind. I am lying, using again. And it's eating me whole, keeping me awake between the hours of three and five. Paranoid and roaming in the dark. 

In the afternoon of my life, I have forgotten all the books I've read. Cigarettes and amphetamines. Tell you "everything's alright", I can do that for you. 

x

daisy set by Daydream nation

photos by Davy Greenberg

nudes

Here's a full nude look I shot in Soho last week by my new apartment. I bought this romper off Nasty Gal as kind of a simple, spring throw-on look. It's super comfortable and comes with a cute neck scarf that I just adore. 

These shoes were sent to me by public desire last week as well, and I can't wait to style them a few more ways. I'm thinking maybe with white denim? How would you wear them? 

I also included my favorite going-out bag, my vintage DVF purse from the 90s. I found it in the East Village over a year ago at a Buffalo Exchange. 

Today, I'm shooting with a really cool new photographer that I'm so excited to work with, and hopefully getting some work on my new book done. I'll tell you more about that later. Sending love and inspiration to everyone who needs it, I'm always here. 

xx 

romper from Nasty Gal

shoes by Public Desire

hat by Fancy Fedora

photos by Jackie Barr

i am trying to break your heart

Listening to Wilco in the empty spaces, I am nothing and everything is now. Lately I've been feeling so full, then so empty. Thinking I'm a blank canvas ready for anything, then realizing I have so much to say. I switch between the two, perhaps both are required to live. 

I want to wear everything, and I want to wear nothing. I want a home filled with books, I want the books to be in my mind. Young and selfish, waking up to serve my own purposes, fulfill my own ideas. When what's inside you consumes you, it's the story you paint over everything and everyone else. 

But still, I want to hold you, cause you're part of my story and everything is always now. I am trying to break your heart. 

hat by fancy fedora

blue hat by Lack of Color

jacket by Deadwood

rings by stick stone style

photos by Sari Morgenstern

i hate blonde x miss alissa party in LES

Hi hot babes! This is your personal invitation to come join fellow little blondie Miss Alissa and I for a party we are hosting with Tictail at their store in LES. 

Come have free drinks, listen to a rad dj, and take snapchats with us! We'll also be giving away 2 of these amazing deadwood leather jackets to our followers, made from real recycled leather!! (As pictured above!) 

to RSVP click here

pop style

Got this dope hoodie gifted to me last week while visiting Patricia Field, who i'll be shooting with in LES this afternoon. The Hoodie is by Stud Muffin, and incredible brand based in NYC. I've worn his designs once before while shooting for NYLON. 

I also can't stop using this incredible white stud backpack by Traci Lynn. I've brought it out with me everyday and took it as my carry-on on my last trip. My laptop even fits inside! 

I've got to get ready now and head downtown for today's Patricia Field shoot. Make sure to follow along on my snapchat for behind the scenes views of all the clothing and madness! 

xx 

hoodie by Stud Muffin

backpack by Traci Lynn

shoes by Public Desire

phone case by Bando

photos by Jackie Barr

southbound

Last Thursday, I flew down to Louisville for my first Kentucky Derby. I was invited by Bacardi to come watch the races and spend the weekend celebrating at their House Party. I'm so happy that I made the decision to go. I met so many incredible influencers and loved everyone from the Bacardi brand. I'm usually pretty uncomfortable meeting new people, but I'm glad I pushed myself and ventured south alone. It was so rewarding to get to know new people. 

The Derby was crazy, with so many people all decked out in wild hats. Regardless, I enjoyed my time people watching and laughing with the other influencers. One of the highlights was dancing and hanging in the dj booth during Mick's set. Everyone was going crazy and the crowd kept lifting people up in the air. 

Aside from the House Party, the mornings in Kentucky were my favorite. Friday morning, I woke at 7:30 and did a 7 mile run over an incredible old railroad bridge about a mile from my hotel. There is something so peaceful about moving as the sun is rising. Saturday morning, I woke again at 7:30 and walked about half a mile down East Market Street to the most beautiful little coffee shop that warmed my heart. I sat outside in the sun and wrote in my notebook. I felt very close to God in the silence and the morning, I could hear the bird chirping and it brought me so much comfort. Living in New York, my morning walk to get coffee isn't very silent. It's amazing when we can bring ourselves to be comfortable in the silence. 

Here's a little something I wrote that morning,

"I can't explain the calmness I felt as I woke, and walked down the street in search of good coffee this morning. The sun crept in through the window of my hotel room on East Market Street and flooded my bed in golden light. The sheets so soft and myself so deep in dreams, I hardly wanted to wake. 

But curiosity pulled me from the sheets, and I was soon on my way down the street in search of coffee. In New York, I usually put head phones on when I walk. Here, I decided to do away with that habit and listen. I could hear the birds chirping, the wind blowing, but what struck me most was the silence that pervaded the street. The beautiful calm at 8am, something I don't experience often. About half a mile from my hotel was a beautiful little white coffee shop called, "Please & Thank You" filled with amazing house-made chocolate chip cookies and cold brews. I grabbed a pumpkin chocolate chip load and iced coffee." 

It's beautiful when an experience is different, and it sticks with us forever. I am so grateful to the Bacardi team for an incredible weekend of new people, sun, music and good vibes. Hope you guys enjoyed my instagrams and snapchats, I always want you to feel like you're on an adventure with me. 

xx

altered states

      Altered states. I am nothing without the inspiration that drips from your seasons. But with a new space comes and new me, and so it goes. I’ve decided to throw out the person I’ve been for the last two years and start new.

            Shaking all the experiences from my hair, and taking a 5pm bath. I stopped taking showers three weeks ago, doesn’t seem like something the new me would do. You know what I mean?  

            I started taking photographs and wearing white cowboy boots. I also wear a watch now. Although, it doesn’t display the correct time. Setting a watch doesn’t seem like something I would ever take the time to do.

            I’m listening to Yankee Foxtrot Hotel, sitting in the kitchen of my new home. Sipping iced coffee with soy milk, I remember having the CD of this album as a youth. I’m craving champagne and conversation, but always seem to subject myself to the isolation it takes to get things done. I’m no good around other people’s energy, way too sensitive and perceptive.

            I enter a new state and hope to never slide back into that old reality. The one in which I am so terribly aware of my shortcomings. Mind filled with the anxieties of the previous and forthcoming day. No, I’d rather be right here. Present and completely aware that now is all I have.

velvet robe by NLF

red bodysuit by Yandy

photos by Svetlana