this modern love

I can tap into the sadness at anytime. It is morning here now, but I still feel you. 

I've found that growth is the only remedy for a broken-heart, and attempting to better oneself is advantageous to wallowing. 

To be broken is to be cracked open, and a new strength pours fourth. A strength you did not know you possessed. It will take you, carry you, and lead you into new places. 

Everyday is not a good day, but the strength makes you comfortable in the ups and downs. Somedays the wine is overflowing, and you pour back into the memories. Eventually, you learn not to do this. It will begin to feel like running in circles, and you'll want to go somewhere new.

So you emerge each day, sober and aware of all the passions around you. Pink roses on the street corner, a new lover in your bed, with soft baby blonde hair. His eyes are new and childlike. 

You are not defined by your lovers anymore, but by an accumulation of books you've managed to read as of late. You're a pagan, you're a poet, you're a painter. You read about the natural world, the human body, and eastern religions. 

You don't believe in the resurrection, but you believe in virtue, passion, and truth. You begin to seek truth. You discover that acting with integrity is in your own best interest, and do so not because someone else told you to. 

You are yours, more than you have ever been before. 

xx 

clothing by Maison Close

photos by Jen Senn

"good to love"

know what your music is. leo tolstoy asked this question, "what if my whole life has been wrong?" 

as an artist, sometimes all you have is your intuition. you can ask others for advice or opinions on your work, but at the end of the day, "you have to be independent of the good opinion of other people." 

as my friend mandy brought up yesterday, "what if instagram had no likes?" would you still be posting what you do now? what if you were never critiqued by anyone else, what would you art look like then? 

i believe it's so important to distance ourselves from what other people are doing, saying, creating. what is your truth? what do you seek? spend time alone and get to know yourself. 

get to know yourself so you never have to pretend again, show up exactly as you are. 

i have spent aching hours alone- reading, writing, thinking, running, trying to get to the truth of who i am as a person. what am i here to do? what would fulfill me, and help others? sometimes the answers don't come to us as discernible as we'd like them to, but if we begin to just ask, we are making progress. we are moving towards our truth. 

know who you are, and it will bring you happiness that you could not get through money, things, success, or another person. 

it will be beyond your wildest dreams. 

xx 

along for the ride

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm just along for the ride. The days move so quick, and my social schedule seems to be overflowing with holidays engagements and events. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying it's hard to focus. 

I'm an introvert, a fact I've been comfortable with since I was in grade school. I thrive on being alone, I create and I learn, and I become the best version of myself. I experience extreme clarity in solitude. My favorite thing in the world is going on a long run, all by myself, listening to music and contemplating creative ideas. 

As fun and stimulating as it is to constantly be around people, I feel drained. I feel full, but tired. Like after a big meal. Sometimes I'm good at finding the balance, other times not so great. 

I'm happy though. And I really want all the people around me to be happy. I've been focused on character, and just trying to be a really good person. I want to better the people around me, I want to be a person of virtue. 

Today, I'm contemplating the existence of angels, and I just picked up a canvas for a new piece. I'm going to re-focus. I'm ready for a new year, filled with blessings for everyone in this world. I want more love and higher consciousness. 

I'll be posting my new years resolutions soon! 

all my love

xx 

destination unknown coat by free people

leather jacket by deadwood

holiday dress by free people

lingerie set by agent provocateur

the creative process

The creative process requires a tremendous amount of honesty. Creating art exposes your weaknesses, and you quickly find out what you're not so good at. 

While creating what comes from your soul, instinct is all you have. You have to trust your gut and cut out the good opinion of other people. 

You are not an artist simply because you can apply oil to a canvas, take a photograph, or play a series of chords - you are an artist because you dare to take people where they have yet to take themselves.

xx 

photos by sean zhao